Browsing Posts in Humor

With BP fervently (make note of the sarcastic use of fervently) trying to ‘plug’ the leak of their offshore oil drill which has continued to wreak environmental havoc for over a month, no one has suggested the obvious: go get MacGyver and have him cap that spill with a little duct tape, a swiss army knife and a dab of nitroglycerin.

It seems so blatantly obvious that I can’t believe no one has thought of it before. Not only could MacGyver’s unique brand of using tried and proven scientific techniques with common everyday items cap that spill, it would give MacGyver a raison d’être since his departure with the Phoenix Foundation.

In fact, MacGyver has done it before. If one goes back to 1985; Season 1, Episode 8: Hellfire, MacGyver capped a raging oil well quite successfully. Here’s IMDB‘s description:

During a trip to visit some friends, an accident starts a fire in an oil-well owned by MacGyver’s friends. MacGyver and his buddy then go to fetch dynamite in an abandoned mine at great peril to themselves after they decide the dynamite is the only feasible way the fire can be put out. However, when they use it, the fire only becomes more intense. Can MacGyver and his Hellfire friend survive the incredible heat to put out the fire and save the oil buried underneath the well…? continue reading…

Happy Happy Joy Joy

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Ren and Stimpy: the quintessential dynamic duo of interspecies peace and harmony. Thus begins the journey of dialectical and existential actualization through the cartoons of my youth. Perhaps my global schema has more to do with the life lessons to be learned through the magical medium of cartoons than with anything I done lerned in my skooluns.

The Smurfs: definitely commies

I was a dedicated viewer of the smurfs from about age five to age eight. Such an amusing group of blue miscreants prancing around their village, sharing in all the wealth and riches of the forest. Essentially, a very communitarian conclave in which every smurf had a unique talent to add to the proper functioning of smurf society.

Quite obviously, the smurfs were Communists. Come on: sharing the wealth; every smurf got a free home and free health care — I’m assuming a free ride on Smurfette as well; she must have been pretty warn out. I suppose Papa Smurf  had some sort of authoritarian and fascist inclinations, not quite so much a Stalin as a Jim Jones type of leader — sans the strychnine-laced kool-aide. continue reading…

This is the only Tea-Bagging I want to see!

I am not one that typically likes to involve themselves in issues or social movements that anyone with moderate intelligence could deduce to be completely irrational and/or counter intuitive to one’s well-being. But lately I’ve been barraged by the “small government is better” crowd, not necessarily a part of the tea party, but coming from the same philosophical ilk nonetheless. Hell, I’ve even talked with some “liberal” democrats buying into to some of this toxic rhetoric from the ill-informed.

To give them a simplified critique: the oppressive taxes you pay (the lowest Americans have paid in over 60 years) go toward building and maintaining roads, schools, fireman, policemen, protecting us from foreign invasion, making sure our food and water is (somewhat) safe to eat and drink and on and on and on….

Again, that is a very simplistic analysis — don’t worry, it’ll get more pedantic as the caffeine kicks in. This leads to the clever title; when will, if ever, cognitive dissonance kick in for those of the belief that government is always the enemy no matter what? For those who aren’t up on social psychology, cognitive dissonance is simply holding two contradictory views at once. continue reading…

Dear Arlen Specter,

I am a resident of Pennsylvania, thus making me your current constituent. I am not a registered Democrat, so I will not have the fortune of voting for you on Tuesday in the Democratic Primary against Joe Sestak. I really want to see another six years of you in the Senate.

Seeing as how I live in Pennsylvania and occasionally turn on the television, I have the pleasure of watching and/or listening to your never-ending barrage of attack ads against Joe Sestak. It’s so nice of you to point out time and time and time again what a horrible choice Sestak would be.

I was under the impression that Sestak was actually a progressive Democrat seeing as how he co-authored the Employee Free Choice Act, a bill that gives workers more freedom to unionize — a bill that you ultimately did not support. But thanks to you, I now know how evil Sestak is. His 30+ years of service in the Navy is suspect at best and he exploits his campaign workers. Without your constant non-stop commercials, I would never know how awful the guy is. continue reading…

i SO mad i USE THEM capitol LETERs

I was checking out a few videos about Arizona’s new immigration bill on YouTube last night. Typically, I have used YouTube merely as a means of watching the occasional “guy getting hit in the nuts” video–who doesn’t love that–and also finding something relevant to my bizarre fetishes. But being the pillar of political commentary and journalistic integrity that I now am, I decided that YouTube might be better used as a medium of intelligent discussion and commentary with like-minded individuals.

While viewing some videos relating to Arizona’s recent immigration bill, I checked out the “comments” section below the videos. Let me tell you valued readers, it was a veritable smörgåsbord of racism, intolerance, ignorance and just plain bizarre ramblings. I thought I would highlight some of these gems of enlightened commentary for everyone’s amusement and/or horror. These are all taken verbatim, no change whatsoever. I am not giving their particular YouTube user-name though; they don’t need any more attention than I am already giving them. I do have to give some credit to the Free Republik Website. They have a “twitter nut of the day” post that they do, highlighting some of the more “reasoned” tweets from the right-wing, which inspired today’s post. continue reading…

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