Dear Arlen Specter,

I am a resident of Pennsylvania, thus making me your current constituent. I am not a registered Democrat, so I will not have the fortune of voting for you on Tuesday in the Democratic Primary against Joe Sestak. I really want to see another six years of you in the Senate.

Seeing as how I live in Pennsylvania and occasionally turn on the television, I have the pleasure of watching and/or listening to your never-ending barrage of attack ads against Joe Sestak. It’s so nice of you to point out time and time and time again what a horrible choice Sestak would be.

I was under the impression that Sestak was actually a progressive Democrat seeing as how he co-authored the Employee Free Choice Act, a bill that gives workers more freedom to unionize — a bill that you ultimately did not support. But thanks to you, I now know how evil Sestak is. His 30+ years of service in the Navy is suspect at best and he exploits his campaign workers. Without your constant non-stop commercials, I would never know how awful the guy is.

Just between you and me Arlen: I heard from a friend of the cousin of the guy that’s the brother of Sestak’s gardener that he kicks cute little puppies for fun and randomly tases little old ladies on a whim — you should really think about letting the public in on that information. It’s got to be true; especially if you put it on TV — come on, you’ve got ten times the money of Sestak and the support of the perpetually right-leaning AFL/CIO: let the truth be told Arlen.

And you know Arlen, there are these yahoos out there who say you only switched to the Democratic party less than a year ago — after being a lifelong Republican — because you knew you couldn’t win the Republican Primary against Pat Toomey. They even have video and audio of you admitting such — come on, what does that mean? Anyone can film anyone else with words coming from their mouth, that doesn’t mean anything.

Golly Arlen, doesn’t everyone know what a stand up guy you are? Some might say you sound like you have marbles in your mouth when you talk and that you’re just another sleazy politician desperately clinging to the only thing you know how to do. These people just don’t know the real Arlen. I know you’re a swell guy and you’re going to do great. But if for some reason the voters of Pennsylvania use common sense and judgment on Tuesday, I know a great surgeon who can get those marbles out.

Your bfff,

♥ Todd ♥