Originally written on April 9, 2010

I’m going to write a terrific article today! And I’m gonna help people! Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

That, for all of you old enough to remember, is a paraphrasing of the famous Stuart Smalley; played famously of course on SNL (back when it was watch-able) by current Minnesota Senator Al Franken. For some reason or another, I awoke this morning with a bevy of mixed feelings and emotions from a memorable dream, and I thought of that old skit that cracked me up so much as a thirteen-year-old miscreant.

In some ways I can identify with Smalley’s character: an insecure, emotionally devastated wreck of a man who resorts to looking at himself in a mirror repeating hollow twelve-step mantras to make him feel less pathetic. No, I don’t look in the mirror telling myself that; I’m good enough, smart enough and people like me. I know who I am and who I am not.

I suppose at one point, I did need to tell myself, or at least try to convince myself, that I was a good person. This was when I was trying to clean up my act, with nothing but guilt and self-hatred for the pain my actions caused to those who cared about me. Truth be told, trying to convince myself that I was a “good person,” did little except make me feel worse, because I knew that wasn’t true. I was a self-absorbed and self deluded jerk– a “not so good” of a person. When I finally figured that out and started taking responsibility for my actions, then I actually did become a better person. I still won’t go so far as to say “good” however.

So, here are some ideas for more realistic daily affirmations:

I’m going to have a mediocre, if not disappointing day. And I’m going to avoid and ignore people. Because I’m below average, I’m intellectually inadequate, and people are frightened of me!

Hey, I didn’t crap my pants in my sleep last night. Today is going to be a great day because doing laundry will be a breeze.

If I can make it through the day without committing any serious felonies or homicides, then I’m a winner.

I’m going to fail miserably at my attempt to synthesize my own hemorrhoid cream, but damn it, it burns and the pharmacy is closed.

More to come…… Give me your own affirmations.